ENTRY 09: 03/23/2024 - OOPS I WENT ON HIATUS AGAIN

Well, well, well! Ain’t I a stinker! T’would seem that I went and goofed it again and went on an extremely long hiatus from updating this website. How clumsy of me. In my defense, your honor, I’m just a silly little fool with far too many interests for their own good, and wouldn’t you know it, spreading oneself too thinly results in some interests being left by the wayside sometimes! Who’d have thunk it? Easy mistake to make, I suppose.

Alright, enough beating around the bush. I know I’ve neglected this crypt for too long. There’s more than the recommended amount of dust and cobwebs collecting in the corridors, and our spider problem has only escalated - although they’re being rather polite, all things considered. I must state for the record that I still intend to continue updating this site. I’d rather we not be “Under Construction” forever, after all. That said, I ask for the patience of any prospective readers in this matter.

For now, the news. Obviously, there’s a lot, what with, you know, the long-ass time interval since the last post. I’ve forgotten more than I’ve learned in that time span, methinks. I can try and recollect, though!

Let’s start by wrapping up any threads I left behind in the previous post, shall we? So, Christmas went off without any hitches that I can remember, t’was a wonderful season and a great way to end the year. I wasn’t even miserable on New Years, so I’d call that a big win.

Ah, right, the cloak! I’ve had some time to evaluate the thing, so here’s my review. Wearing a cloak is awesome, full stop. There’s one caveat: make sure that the cloak’s bottom is a little higher off the ground than you think you need. It’s more than a little infuriating to learn to not step on the thing while walking. I’ve mercifully avoided faceplanting so far, but I run the risk every time I wear the thing. Still, it’s quite comfy, I like the way it makes me look, it’s not uncomfortably warm but still guards from getting too chilly around the house, and, I must reiterate, it is supremely comfy. Prime movie-watching garb.

Speaking of movies, we’re still watching those! I’ve seen a fair few since last we spoke. Now if only I could remember them all off the top of my head like some kind of memory god… Well, in any case, a lot of them turned out to be Cronenberg flicks, and wow, that guy can put out a fun movie! Videodrome kind of flew over my head, but Re-Animator and Scanners kicked ass. I also had a fun time with Predator 2, Pumpkinhead, and Tremors. I think the movie that topped all of them, though, was a little flick called RRR.

It’s a film out of India, which isn’t a country I’ve had the pleasure of watching many movies from, but uh. WOW. RRR is mind-bogglingly good. If you have around 3 hours to spare, I strongly suggest you give it a look. In fact, here’s a link to an English subbed version on archive.org. Go watch it, I promise you won’t regret it.

Videogames-wise, though, I’ve been slacking. I fell completely off of the games I mentioned in the last post, haven’t played anything on the Wii in a hot minute. Shifting focus and being spread thin strikes again. In the ensuing time since then, I picked up and put down Minecraft again, picked up Vintage Story so I could play with a good friend of mine (banger videogame by the way, I fully endorse Vintage Story. Go buy it.), and more recently, got into playing some old PS1 RPGs, particularly Threads of Fate, Brave Fencer Musashi, Vagrant Story, and Breath of Fire III, which, from my first impressions, are all clearly masterpiece-level games, Vagrant Story especially.

Let’s see, what else… Well, the topic of isolation and friendship fears came up in the previous post. I can’t say truthfully that those issues have been resolved, but in the last month or so I’ve been interacting much more frequently, and, crucially, regularly, with some of my friends. I worry I’m still falling victim to a pitfall, which is that my remarks about being thinly spread between interests apply to my friendships, and I’m applying focus to a small grouping of my friends over others, but at the very least I know for certain I’m pushing against the habit of shutting myself away, if slowly. Me and another friend went as far as to organize regular check-ins, as sort of a mutual way to keep our shared issues in check. Hehe, check-in, in-check. Ahem. I can’t be sure it’s working, but I think it’s been helpful for the both of us. Many of my friends - this one included - are still Going Through It™, unfortunately. They all seriously deserve respite and relief. And also one million dollars.

I suppose things aren’t peachy-keen on my end, either. My poor bones still protest when doing daily tasks (including writing this blog post! Hooray for repetetive stress.), and our dog is unfortunately afflicted with terminal bone cancer. She’ll be put down by the end of the month. It’s not unexpected, exactly, she’s a pretty old dog, but it’s still hitting the family pretty hard.

But, despite this, daily life goes on, as ever.

One shining ray of light, though, is a much more recent event. Recent as in within the last few days or so.

A lady talked to me.

A very pretty and nice lady.

And she thinks I’m cute!!

So uhm. I’ve been giddy as a teenage girl for the past several days. She’s smart, at least as cool as me (and almost definitely more so), and the way she talks makes me woozy. The fact that she desires me as much as she does still baffles me a little bit, though not as much as the naturalness and strength of my own towards her. The more I learn about her, the more perfect she seems.

Forgive me if I’m sounding silly, I’m, ah, shall we say, inexperienced in the ways of love. There’s a lot of new and unfamiliar feelings at work, and I’m still finding my footing. Fear is one of those feelings, but that’s all self-directed. My relationship with myself has been a little strained for a long time, and the sudden outpouring of admiration and desire from outside is highlighting that considerably.

I think I can get through it, though. Among many other things, she’s a source of strength for me. I look at it like this: Extending trust and grace to myself is hard, but extending trust and grace to her comes as easy as breathing, and she’s made it very clear that she trusts me. So, logically, if I distrust myself, then that flies in the face of her trust in me. I’d be calling her a liar, in a roundabout way. So, I’m obligated to treat myself better. It maybe doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it’s an extrapolation of a theory I’ve applied in my friendships which has yielded a lot of rewards, so it’s tried and tested.

Still gonna take a long time for me to grok the fact that I’m not only cute, but interesting and sexy, too.

So yeah! She’s been in my thoughts on a near constant basis for days now. Whatever the future holds, it’s bound to be a boatload of fun.

I just hope I don’t screw it up, somehow. At the end of all this, whatever that looks like, I want things to be on friendly terms. I’m optimistic that that’s not only in the cards, but likely.

Oh, I almost forgot! Another great thing happened over the Christmas season. Another friend of mine sent me a Christmas present, and what a ripper of a present it is!

She bought me a drawing tablet, which I’ve since been putting to great use learning digital art! This thing kicks so much ass, and I hope to use it for many years to come. I’ve a sample to share, though I apologize in advance for the watermark, the internet being what it is today makes these things necessary:

What do ya think? I’m quite proud of it, though it’s anything but perfect. I credit Bob Ross for the steps I followed, and Age of Asparagus on Youtube for helping to translate the techniques of oil painting into the digital medium of Krita. Without either of them, I wouldn’t have been able to make this.

Right now I’m focusing more on learning drawing techniques, studying anatomy, that sort of thing. It’s a slow process, but I’ve accepted that learning any skill tends to be that way.

I think I’ll end this post on that note, my wrists are getting sore, my memory is just about empty of things to talk about, and I’m ready to get up to something else. Stay tuned, this site will continue to grow, mark my words.